Suggested alternate episode title – “Whores”.  Archer would approve.

I almost googled “whore gif” when writing that opening sentence before I realized it may take me down a dark, dark hole of internet depravity I’d rather not know exists. Good job with that quick thinking, me!

Lorelai pulls Luke out of bed and forces him to go stand in the middle of the street where they carry on two completely separate conversations about the same thing. It’s like two interior monologues gained sentience and stood side by side. (This show does that a lot.) It snows. I was about to ask if the studios can get away with manufacturing snow for shows with the drought, and then I realized that they probably don’t use real snow at all. I bet they use shredded styrofoam or pulverized wood chips because it looks better on camera. Google could probably tell me this answer but, well, you know. Lazy, etc.

A bunch of dudes sit around in Luke’s diner talking about how a whore saved Stars Hollow from a battle they certainly would have lost by seducing a general. Isn’t that always the way? Save a town, get called a slut. Am I right, ladies?

I paused on this shot of Taylor. I really wanted to meme him and write “WHORES” across the bottom of the picture, but then that would exist on the internet and the guy who plays Taylor doesn’t need that shit.

Over at the Elder Gilmores place, Judgy WASP Mom about shits herself in fear because a dog has dared to sit on her patio. She acts as if she’s never seen an animal before. Poor puppy. I’ve recently discovered that there is a little calico cat wandering around my apartment complex. She won’t let me get very close; she’s skinny and dirty and I’m 99% sure she’s feral. I love cats. I like cats more than I like people most of the time, so the idea of a hungry cat wandering around my living area gives me sadness tears. I tried leaving a little food out by my door, thinking maybe she’ll get used to my smell and let me get close enough to trap her, but my cats saw her through the screen door and FREAKED OUT. She never came back. So, I’m back to walking around my apartment complex while wearing Batman pajama pants, clutching a can of cat food in one hand and holding my sweater closed with the other. I softly call out, “Baby? Baby!”

Since I seem completely unable to have children, I will be directing all my love and attention onto adorable meowing furballs. I’ve always wanted to be a crazy cat lady. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

Both Michele and Sookie are raining on Lorelai’s good time by being in bad moods during a “snowstorm.” That isn’t a storm. I live in LA, but I remember snow, and I know what fluffy ass snow that’s going to melt in 2 hours looks like. That’s it. I am with Lorelai on the snow thing. I really do miss those first 24 – 48 hours during a storm, where you can’t go anywhere because it’s so bad outside and everything looks so pretty and clean. I do not miss snow that has turned into a giant mound of dirty ice that won’t melt until MAY (Boston, I am looking at you.)

Back at Yale, C-Money makes an unannounced appearance at Rory’s dorm and tries to get Rory to ditch class to hang out with him. C-Money, wasn’t ditching class to hang out how Rory was conceived? As a grown ass man, you might want to, I don’t know, CALL FIRST NEXT TIME YOU SELFISH PRAT? Everyone on this show is so inconsiderate. It’s impressive and infuriating.

He waits for Rory outside her class, a 35-year-old man just hanging out outside a college classroom waiting fora co-ed like that isn’t weird or creepy in any way. Then, in what I feel is one of the worst performances ever seen on this show, he tells Rory about how he hates the wall between them and he wants them to be on good terms.

Same, Rory. Same.

I feel like Alexis Bledel is making that face because she really can’t believe how bad her scene partner’s performance is.

Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa are connecting over their new puppy friend. Judgy WASP Mom is horrified that Spacey Grandpa has been eating stew, a fake food that only exists in the imaginations of poor children gnawing on sticks to survive. A rich person! Eating stew! LOL!

Snow and Lorelai are fighting, which may explain why she chose to wear this outfit in the middle of an east coast winter:

For a comparison, below is a picture of me taken in Boston on December 31, 2008. It was 8 degrees that night, and the wind chill was -14:

I am also wearing ear muffs, thick ass snow gloves suited for -40 degrees, snow boots, wool socks, jeans, a turtleneck, and a puffy vest. This was the coldest I’ve ever been in my life.

I was also much thinner in this picture. Ah, yes. Those two short years when I was thinnish. I remember them well. I was starving and all my hair was falling out. And I was STILL a double digit size.

The girls learn that C-Money’s dad died. He was a terrible person. I mean…RIP. So sad. You know who else just died? Abe Vigoda. He was a staple of Late Night with Conan O’Brien. I loved that show and I loved Abe on it. Bowie, Lemmy, Rickman, Vigoda…EVERYONE IS DYING. I think I’ve already posted Type O Negative’s “Everything Dies” so enjoy Type O Negative’s “Everyone I Love Is Dead.”

Rory brings her dad sympathy cookies. Lorelai brings sympathy tequila. They get drunk, Lorelai stays the night, and neglects to tell Luke about the drinking/spending the night with C-Money. There’s nothing wrong with Lorelai hanging out with an old friend. There’s nothing wrong with that friend being a man, or an ex. There is, however, something wrong with hiding it from her current boyfriend. Considering how hard Luke has taken his own father’s death, I’m sure he’d understand and even support Lorelai’s role in C-Money’s grieving process. But she doesn’t tell him. Just like she didn’t tell him about going to help with the baby. That’s a HUGE problem.

Of course, Luke picks this episode to be sweet and builds Lorelai an ice rink in her front yard so she can once again be friends with snow. I’m sure this storyline will end well. Poor Luke. He doesn’t deserve the bullshit.