Super cool idea I had – review all the episodes of this show before the new one drops on Thursday. I forgot how much time it takes me to write a review of an hour-long show.

Enough chit chat! There is ORGANIZED CRIME to talk about!

We start with Elliot Stabler, shirtless, and staring at himself in the mirror. I often say (to myself) that Law & Order: SVU realized who their audience was around season 7 because we started getting way more shirtless Stabler. (I did not complain then. I am not complaining now.)

Then he and Ayanna are driving to the Wonder Wheel and Stabler is all “wow, who knew Manfredi Sinatra got killed? Certainly not me mere minutes after it happened. It’s not like I found his body or anything! That would be weird! LOL. Anyway…”

They get to the scene and find a hand-loaded bullet casing. Meanwhile, I’m hoping that Stabler wiped everything clean before he called it in because he absolutely touched the control panel AND the door of the cage where Sinatra’s body was found. We also get some slick camera work – some of these shots are cool as hell:

I really dig the aesthetics of this show.

While all of this is going on, Richard Wheatley and his wife Pilar are having dinner with Obnoxiously Rich People who just cannot believe that they, people with money, have to WAIT for a COVID vaccine! Doesn’t the virus understand that they are rich and therefore are entitled to skip a whole ass worldwide pandemic because of the balance of their bank account? Seriously, these people are acting like the virus gave them bad service at Nobu. Lucky for Mr. & Mrs. Moneybags, Wheatley is having a “vaccine party” so they don’t have to wait for the vaccine! WAITING IS FOR PLEBS & POORS!

I haven’t watched the rest of the Dick Wolf shows so I don’t know how they’ve decided how to handle the pandemic, but the way it’s dealt with in SVU and OC is…odd. It acknowledges that the pandemic is happening in the reality of the shows, it has episodes about stolen vaccines and phony PPE (OC) and people losing their businesses and possible COVID scares of family members (SVU) while at the same time none of the main characters wear a mask or have any reason to respect social distancing. People in the background are shown masked, though. And I get that it makes no sense to cover up the actor’s faces with masks while they say their lines, but it makes the show exist in this world that is half pre-pandemic and half that is in The Now. At the same time, I haven’t seen many shows that actually acknowledge the pandemic, which makes these shows some sort of odd historical document of our time.

While at dinner Angela calls Richard to tell him that the police just stopped by his house to tell him his father has been murdered. (Why is she hanging out at his house while he’s out?) I admit that I am delighted by how much Pilar hates Angela.

Back at OC headquarters, Stabler calls Olivia and asks her not to tell anyone that he totally pulled a John Cena and was like “YOU CAN’T SEE ME” as he ran by her in his lobby.

We’re introduced to a new member of the team – Detective Morales – and we learn more about Wheatley and his drug operation. This makes Stabler want to meet Wheatley face to face, which gives him the opportunity to shout “DICK” across an office building lobby when he sees Richard and his daughter Dana walking out. He also pulls one of these:

Stabler is such a delightful asshole and I love it so, so much.

See, Stabler is convinced that Wheatley hijacked a truck full of COVID vaccines the night before and he’s gonna prove it. He’s also going to prove that Wheatley killed Manfredi Sinatra and Kathy Stabler. And is pushing ALL OF THE DRUGS. To hear Stabler tell it, Wheatley is a one-man crimewave. Do any of the other criminals in New York have any shot at doing a crime with him around?

Back at the station Slootmacher discovers that Wheatley usually invests in tech companies but for some reason he bought the Law & Order universe’s version of Dippin’ Dots (ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE!) These tasty treats need to be stored at about the same temperature as COVID vaccines (crazy coincidence) and wouldn’t you know there was a truck in the vicinity of the vaccine robbery last night!

We also meet this son of a bitch:

The second this dude (Detective Freddy Washburn) walked on screen I was like “THAT GUY IS CROOKED.” I’m calling it now – the OC taskforce has a mole, and this is the guy. DO. NOT. TRUST. HIM. I know Ayanna trusts him because he was her senior partner when she was working Narcos, but she’s wrong. Maybe he just started being crooked and she doesn’t know yet. But Stabler knows! Finally! Stabler’s gut is doing the thing it’s supposed to do and telling him who sucks. (Too bad it’s being overridden by his penis when it comes to Angela Wheatley.)

By the time the team gets a warrant to raid the Nitro Nibbles warehouse in search of vaccines, they’ve all been moved…probably because some untrustworthy son of a bitch named Freddy tipped them off.

I hate that guy.

The next morning Stabler meets Olivia in her car to talk. And he brings her coffee. Remember how they used to bring each other coffee (or tea) every morning or just wordlessly fill up the other’s cup while at the station house? Remember how they used caffeinated beverages to show affection??????

Of course Olivia immediately asks about what happened the other night when he tried to play Olivia Is Lava in the lobby of his building. And this motherfucker tries to brush it off! He cannot be serious. Does he not remember that Olivia is a damn good detective? Not only that, she can still read him! He seriously thinks he can LIE??

When he knows he cannot possibly lie his way out of this one (she’s not his wife) he is like “back off.”

But Olivia does not back off. She immediately tells him that he has PTSD…probably because she recognizes the signs from when she had PTSD after the whole William Lewis incident. (Is she going to tell Elliot about Lewis? I mean, he’s gonna find out when she takes her shirt off in front of him and he sees all the cigarette burns Lewis left her with…)

Elliot being Elliot just laughs at her because for as much as he’s grown he’s still set in the “therapy & mental health help = dumb” mindset. And then Olivia immediately goes back to the other night and asks him if he’s told Ayanna where he was the night Manfredi Sinatra was murdered. That’s right, Liv! Remind this man that he is not dealing with some god damned amature and he can’t get shit past you.

Then he pulls this and I about threw my computer across the room:

Oh, she means the world to you, does she? IS THAT WHY YOU LEFT WITHOUT A WORD AND DIDN’T BOTHER SPEAKING TO HER FOR A GOD DAMNED DECADE?????? IS THAT WHY YOU LET CRAGEN TELL HER YOU LEFT, YOU FUCKING COWARD???? Someone call the Whole Man Disposal service because this is straight up trash.

(And I love it. It is totally MY SHIT. PUT IT IN MY VEINS!!!! ANGSTY CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME!!! MAKE IT HURT, TV SHOW! MAKE. IT. HURT.)

And then, after all that, it’s time to send Stabler on a date! Yeah, you read that right.

He’s going “undercover” to meet a rich lady who might know some doctors who are letting people line jump to get the COVID vaccine. So he meets this lovely blonde lady who is weirdly open about her insecurities (which upsets me because it’s like living with myself every day where I’m like “I better tweet all my faults & deepest personal issues!”) He calls it off in front of the restaurant and tells her he’s a cop. Then she hugs him, which, IT’S A PANDEMIC, LADY! Stop it! STOP HUGGING! This is what I mean by these shows dealing with the pandemic in a strange way. Either you’re living through the Time of the ‘VID or you aren’t.

There’s also some nonsense about Wheatley and the line of succession in the Mafia Family now that Sinatra’s dead. (There would already be a clear successor – Sinatra was old as fuck and the Mafia doesn’t fuck around when it comes to who is the new head, but ok.) Man, my people (Italians) have very limited roles on these crime shows. We’re either all criminals, cops, or fat guys. There is no in between.

We also meet Gina Cappelletti, an undercover NYPD officer posing as a cocktail waitress and the girlfriend of one of the guys. She catches Richie Wheatley’s eye and now she’s going to be unofficially on the OC task force. (Can you imagine being so hot that your literal job is to get certain dudes to want to bang you so you can get intel? This is not an experience I can relate to.)

Back at Stabler’s apartment, he scares Eli when he has a nightmare about Kathy. (How did Eli end up the only Stabler with brown eyes? The little kid who played him at like age 3 had blue eyes!) Elliot tells him they’ll be ok and then he breaks down crying once Eli goes back to his room.

The next day Stabler goes undercover to get his COVID shot from the crooked doctor. For some reason we get this scene where the doctor is telling this random woman that her symptoms are common and that the technical term for what she’s experiencing is “menopause.” Uh…do women need menopause explained to us like we’ve never heard of it before? (Trust me, since I got my first period I’ve been waiting for the day when menopause sets in. I can’t fucking wait. I’m throwing a party!) They arrest the doctor and all his annoying patients and we actually get to see Stabler smile. It’s almost enough to make me forgive him for telling Olivia to back off. (I’m kidding – I can’t stay mad at him. I believe Olivia and I have that in common.)

Ayanna decides to take Stabler out for dinner and he seems to not have heard of soul food before even though he’s lived in New York City for most of his life? Then he decides that listening to Olivia is the best course of action and he tells Ayanna that he was the one who found Manfredi Sinatra’s body. She tells him to shut up and not tell her that he took Sinatra’s phone because then she’d have to arrest him…even though she’s ok with it because she knows he gave the phone to Sloots so she can pull all the info off of it. This surprises Stabler – he didn’t think Ayanna would be ok with him bending the rules, but she surprises and impresses him. Because she is great.

On his way home, Stabler sees Eli getting out of Carl’s car (are we assuming that Carl is Maureen’s husband? Or just long-term boyfriend?) and there are some guys in ski masks – Wheatley’s men – who try to jump him. Elliot tells Eli to get in the building and gets his ass just handed to him by these dudes, but not before he gets a good look at the gun one of them is holding.

Random Observations:

• There are a lot of shots through windows in this episode. Here are a few:

Style Corner!