Hi! It’s MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I haven’t posted in forever but I promise I have a very good reason! I wrote a book! Like, a WHOLE BOOK! (Note: I posted the first chapter below if you want to skip to that and ignore all of my IMPORTANT THOUGHTS about SERIOUS THINGS. Chapter begins under the picture of the key.)
How is everyone doing today? Have we all recovered from the post-revival glut of opinion pieces about reviews of opinion pieces of the show?
It’s time to say goodbye to Gotham. I cannot think of a better way than with Bobby Darin’s mournful ballad, “The Curtain Falls.”
I want this show to be over. More accurately, I want my self-imposed obligation to review this show every week to be over. How many ways can I say “this show is batshit”? Not many.
Ready for a bullshit post about my “feelings”?? Some hardcore navel-gazing? Here we go!
I wrote a book. Actually it’s a collection of short stories. Whatever, same difference. All you need to know is I wrote a thing and, eventually, I self-published the thing.
Back in the day, you’d have to spend money to get your books printed and bound and shipped to you. I never saw much value that. Still don’t. But digital publishing for e-readers? Count me in.
A lot of people rag on self-publishing. I know this because before the days of Kindle Direct publishing, I used to be one of those judgmental assholes. I used to think if your work was good enough someone would publish your stories or give you a book deal. And sure, there are those writers who are so damn good they automatically get noticed and published. But, more often, your work needs to fit a certain style. You need to fit the voice of the journal you’re contributing to, or fit the publisher’s image. Your subject matter needs to be in line with what’s considered “serious” and “literary”. You need to SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT THE HUMAN CONDITION through as many metaphors as possible. I’m not one of those writers. I never have been.
Last Ditch Effort 
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