Tag: gilmore girls

Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 2, Episode 2 “Hammers and Veils”

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Lorelai and Rory decide to go wedding dress shopping. I hope Lorelai has a better time than I did – my wedding dress experience was horrible because I am both fat and busty. Every salesperson who saw me walk in got that horrified “Oh no. Please no.” look in their eye. Then they hid in the back, lighting candles and leaving offerings to the gods while praying that I wouldn’t ask for help that they couldn’t give. You know how they say every bride is beautiful? That’s a god damned lie. After everything I went through to get a dress that didn’t look like a white sack with some pearls sewn onto it, I still ended up looking like a fatter, much uglier Kim Kardashian in that couch dress. Everyone at my wedding was like:

Somehow I made it down the aisle.

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Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 21 “Love, Daisies and Troubadours”

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I started off the day with the Gilmore Girls theme song stuck in my head. As the day progressed, it became the Golden Girls theme and then, to my never-ending shame, the Friends theme song. To try to rid myself of that horrible Friends theme, I actively tried to switch back to the Gilmore Girls theme. I can’t! I can’t remember it now! It’s like the suck of that damn song has shorted out my memory! (But I can still remember the Golden Girls theme. If the Golden Girls theme was on American Horror Story: Coven, it would have become the Supreme.)

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Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 20 “P.S. I Lo…”

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EPISODE 20!!! Oh shit, I am SO CLOSE to the end of the first season. I hope this episode has more exciting plot points than last episode – the only noteworthy thing from that one was “Judgy WASP Mom wears ugly shoes.”

During the cold open, Lorelai and Rory play “One Two Three He’s Yours” which is a game where they get three chances to “find” a husband based on the random men that walk by. Lorelai gets stuck with Kirk from the supermarket and is sad. Rory gets an eyeful of Floppy and is sad.

I’ve always found the best way to start any story is from a place where everyone is sad and would like to die. It makes the audience feel good.

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Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 19 “Emily in Wonderland”

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Time for Judgy WASP Mom to go antiquing in Stars Hollow! I hope she buys Miss Patty’s discarded drums and dances nude atop them for Spacey Grandpa.

There are no baby pictures of Lorelai because she had an abnormally large head as a baby. She was unsightly, which was probably the one and only time anyone will ever write that about Lorelai Gilmore.

Rumor has it that she looked like this:

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Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 18 “The Third Lorelai”

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There are things in this life that we as humans wait for. Our first kiss. Our first sexual experience. Godzilla. We stand on the shore waiting for that fateful day when the thing we’ve always wondered about will crest the horizon and BE. What will it be like? Will we like it? Hate it? Be disappointed? This is the true meaning of life.

This time, the Gilmores are the ones standing on the shores awaiting the Unknown. They’re awaiting…Spacey Grandpa’s mom, Lorelai the First (who must be about 1000 years old.) She will descend from the skies and bring with her…delicious tea cookies? Jaunty hats? CORGIES??????

Whatever it is, Judgy WASP Mom sure as hell won’t like it.

Grandma! So good to see you!

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Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 17 “The Breakup, Part II”

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We pick up right where we left off – Rory home from her date with Floppy. She doesn’t want to tell Lorelai why they broke up. She starts throwing away all the things that remind her of Floppy – considering he would routinely knock on her window and he’s come over for movie night, I’m guessing this episode is the one where Rory burns the house to the ground?

BURN ALL THE MEMORIES OF FLOPPY! BURN THEM!

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