Episode 21. I’m so close to the end of the season. This must be what running a marathon and hitting mile 25 feels like. So close, yet so damn far.

Pictured: Me.

Can we talk about how terrible Broody’s hair looks in the cold open? I mean

He looks like he stuck his hair into Luke’s leftover fryer grease. I assume it’s hard to make Milo Ventimglia look bad, yet here we are.

Lorelai goes to the Inn and we continue my jealousness over her small tits as she flounces around in a wrap dress with a very low V…yet manages to show no cleavage. Ugh. What I wouldn’t give to just toss on a dress and head out the door. I have to wear camisoles under my wrap dresses so my tits aren’t exposed, I have to make sure the camisoles aren’t cut too low, I have to make sure my heavy-duty bra isn’t exposed…I hate you, Lorelai. I hate you and your damn good genetic luck.

Lorelai calls Rory to tell her about her Broody sighting. While all this is going on there is a horse standing in the…living room? Sitting room?…of the Inn. Just standing there like he’s a fucking invited guest. Question – can a horse fit through a normal-sized door? I haven’t invited any over for awhile.

It’s a dining room! And the horse is called Cletus. It’s never explained why he’s there. Ok. Horse for the sake of a horse. Whatevs, Gilmoreverse.

It’s the last day of classes at Yale. Rory’s super young roommate has a boyfriend (who I hope is also super young.) Super Young Roommate and Paris make sure to point out to Rory that she’s been single all year. Oh my. An entire school year? That’s it! Call the Old Maid Registration Committee, Rory is officially FOREVER ALONE.

I had a “dry spell” that lasted longer than the run of this show. Except none of my friends ever tried to set me up with anyone (because fat.)

At Luke’s, everyone tells Liz that she got lucky because her boyfriend is “yum yum.” My Yumometer must be broken because…no. Also – SHE’S ONLY WEARING ONE FUCKING EARRING AGAIN.

Am I forgetting a time in the early part of this century when grown women walked around with only one earring on? Was that a trend I have no recollection of, much like I have little recollection of living through Nick Lachey’s career? At least if someone mentions Nick Lachey I remember he was a thing. This earring nonsense? Nothing.

Liz is also hanging around with some rabid balls of estrogen who have not yet discovered what a Magic Wand is. A male stripper wanders into the diner and starts dancing to “Relax.” Fun fact about “Relax” (and most other 80’s New Wave songs) – in heavy rotation at Goth clubs.

You can’t just get a stripper to strip in a public place, but they get this guy to shimmy in his red speedo at 2 in the afternoon. In an open diner. Where people eat. Maybe it’s different for dude strippers – I mean, you don’t actually get to see The Main Attraction.

Broody runs from the man in the speedo and runs right into His Floppiness. Floppy buys shit and glares at Broody. The end.

At Friday Night Dinner, Spacey Grandpa is out of town so Judgy WASP Mom pretends she still lives in her house. Lorelai is way too invested in her parents relationship status. It’s her parents, and I get that, but she usually doesn’t give two shits what they’re doing when they aren’t “torturing” her (which is how she sees it, not how they actually act.) Her parents are grown adults. They’ll figure it out.

But instead of figuring her own shit out, Judgy WASP Mom decides to play matchmaker with Rory and shows up at her dorm room with Blue Blood Ken in tow. Jesus, guys. She’s 19. She’ll find someone. No wonder I felt like shit for being single for so long – as a woman, you’re never allowed to feel ok about not having a man in your life. You’re thought of as “broken.” I hope that has changed over the last 15 years because I’d love to live in a world where girls can go off to college and not have their grandmothers talking about weddings and babies and “when are YOU getting married and popping a million children from your baby cavity like an over-achieving Michelle Duggar?”

At Liz’s wedding, Liz heaps more “DON’T YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED LIKE ME YOU FAILURE OF A HUMAN BEING YOU??” on Lorelai. Marriage is great. I love being married. Marrying someone you love is something that all people, regardless of sexual orientation, should have the right to do. But the idea that people aren’t doing life right by not getting married, or that there is something fundamentally wrong with a single person (especially an older single person) needs to fucking die in a fire. It’s not for everyone. And being single shouldn’t be something people use to make others feel bad.

On the way out of the shame fest, Lorelai notices Luke’s self-help book in Broody’s bag.

At the wedding, there is this weird moment where Luke thinks one of the flower girls (women, actually) looks like someone he knows. It’s never mentioned again.

Broody wears some old clothes he found on the floor to walk his mother down the aisle. Lorelai and Luke nearly lose their shit when the troubadour that didn’t get to be troubadour sings his way into the wedding as minister.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Kim has decided to reach out to Lane. She visits Lane’s apartment but freaks out when she sees that Lane is living with BOYS.

She runs to Lorelai and calls Lane “dirty” for living with boys. Nice shaming, Mrs. Kim. Lorelai tells her to think of Lane’s bandmates a girls, which seems to calm her down. Then Lorelai asks Luke about Broody and Luke says he thinks Broody is going to be ok. Aww. Cute. There is also mocking of the self-help book, which sets Luke off. He’s got a temper which, if he were a real person, would be a MAJOR RED FLAG.

She still dances with the Rage Monster because he’s the one she’s supposed to end up with. I hope he doesn’t strangle her to death one day after she criticizes his hair or something equally ridiculous.

At Yale, Rory is having the worst time with Blue Blood Ken. He’s a bro and she can’t handle it because party bros are the worst, most annoying kind of bros. They decide to drive off with a drunk dude behind the wheel so Rory makes the smart choice and decides to stay at the bar, even though she has no money to pay her tab. Instead of calling an appropriate person to come pick her up, she calls FLOPPY. And he COMES. Dude, gross. He’s a married ass man! He’s the last person you should call! Judgy WASP Mom should have been on the list before Floppy. And not only does Rory call a married man for help, she then charges their meal to Blue Blood Ken’s credit card which is illegal and dishonest. Blue Blood Ken didn’t do anything besides be a boring party bro. Though he can probably afford a $50 food tab at a dive bar, it’s still wrong. Maybe Rory is so used to everyone paying for her mother’s food in Stars Hollow that this doesn’t strike her as something particularly dishonest?

After Luke walks Lorelai home (and asks her out again!) he finds Broody waiting for him in his apartment. He wants to pay Luke back for all the money he borrowed. He appreciates it.

Luke tells him he’s always there for him and they even hug! I’ll admit, even this cold, black emotionless heart of mine felt some feelings. I got all misty-eyed! DAMN YOU LUKE AND BROODY FOR MAKING ME FEEL FEELINGS! This is exactly what I wanted from them last episode! It’s growth in their relationship and it’s positive growth for Broody. I wish this could have come when Broody flunked out of high school, but I will take it now.

Rory and Floppy are taking a tour of the Yale campus. Floppy is all “I LAUGHED TONIGHT I NEVER LAUGH MY WIFE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ME I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE GETTING MARRIED AT 18!!” And Rory is all, “OH, FLOPPY. I AM SO INNOCENT AND GOOD AND SO DIFFERENT FROM YOUR WIFE WHICH IS WHAT ALL CHEATING MOTHERFUCKERS TELL THEIR MISTRESSES.” Dude, Flops, if you want to ruin your marriage, go ahead. Just don’t drag Rory into it.

Then Broody walks in. BOOOOOO. I can’t keep my good Broody feels while he’s bothering Rory (how did he know where she lived? Did he ask Luke?) Not because Broody is obnoxious (he is) but because right now, BROODY IS TOO GOOD FOR RORY. Rory is calling her married ex to pick her up from a bar. Rory is charging food to some guy’s credit card. Rory is escorting her married ex around campus and bringing him to her dorm room and THEN asking where his wife thinks he is. Broody, for all his bullshit, has never done morally questionable shit like this. Broody’s dishonesty about his job and going to school only affected him. He’s the only one who suffered serious consequences from these actions. Rory actions are affecting a lot of people and she doesn’t seem to care.

Broody asks Rory to go with him to New York. She should go (even though she’s a borderline terrible person right now.) At least she’d be away from the married man who keeps shoving his dumb hair into her life. I’m not on the Broody/Rory 4eva! train. I don’t believe they are meant to be together. I don’t think they should get married and have babies. I firmly believe that Rory should end up with someone we never meet in the course of the show. However, why shouldn’t she run off and have a crazy summer in New York where she (wrongly) believes her and Broody are going to be together forever? Isn’t that what being young is about? Making decisions that are questionable and learning from the resulting experiences? Go to New York, live with Broody. Fuck each other stupid in some cramped studio in Hell’s Kitchen, eat cheap chinese food from that place on the corner, argue about books at an outdoor cafe. Finally break up once you realize you need to go back to Yale and he is happy living in a place roaches find disgusting. Look back on this experience when you’re 35 and wonder what the hell you were thinking, but also be eternally grateful for that crazy summer.

She says no.