I don’t believe anyone consulted me before having both David Bowie and Alan Rickman die in span of less than a week. I would have informed everyone that this unacceptable and deaths of this magnitude need to be spaced out over several months (if not years). Not ok, Fate. Not. Ok.

Is it too early to hope  Logan Smarmy died on the way back to his home planet and I’ll never see his dumb coke-addled face again? I am aware his stupid ass hangs around for the rest of the series, but a girl can dream.

At Friday Night Dinner, Judgy WASP Mom is upset that Spacey Grandpa served appetizers with his drinks so she’s taking out her frustrations on the girls by force feeding them like they’re geese destined to become fois gras. Floppy calls and we’re all relieved this was filmed before smart phones were invented because you can just tell he’s a dick pic kind of guy.

What would Emily Gilmore say if she was informed men often send women they don’t even know unsolicited dick pics? I suspect she’d clutch her pearls for a few seconds before passing judgment on the dick itself, something like “I don’t know why he bothered, THAT isn’t something to write home about.” Lorelai could jump in with, “That’s why he sent it to Rory and not his mom.” #JOKES!

Luke’s sister is at the diner and she’s only wearing one earring again! She wants to move to Stars Hollow for the winter, probably because no one in that wacky ass town asks her why she chooses to only wear one earring.

Back at Yale, Paris is lamenting about how all the old dudes want to bang her now that they know she slept with Posh McBookington. This is why we only sleep with age-appropriate men, Paris. Rory gets a call from Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa. They’re throwing a party for Yale people. Together. And they aren’t fighting about anything. Obviously, something is terrible in the Gilmore household but Rory is too damn dumb to pick up on this. Much like Max Medina sucked IQ points from Lorelai while they were dating, I fear dating Floppy is doing the same to Rory.

This ties in rather nicely to what the Gilmore Guys brought up in their show for the last episode (Season 5, Episode 7). Rory is a terrible journalist. She’s trying to get a story on this secret society that no one has been able to prove exists since Yale’s inception, so she walks up to Smarmy and tells him that she knows he’s in this society and she’s going to follow him around. Pro-tip: Following someone is easier if they don’t know you’re following them. Then when she gets to the dumb rich kid party in the forest, she walks around telling everyone she’s a journalist out to get a story, and then expecting that these people will be honest with her. She should know better, just like she should know that something is wrong when both her grandparents call her from the same phone. Most people would know something is seriously wrong, but as a journalist, her bullshit meter should be off the charts. Good thing she’s pretty because it means she can still be a “journalist.” If she dyes her hair blonde and has no issues reading heinous lies off a teleprompter, Fox News will give her her own show!

She proves just what a shit journalist she is when she tells Floppy that her piece on Smarmy’s Club for Sociopaths is a “feature.” Rory. RORY. This is a club that has never been proven to exist but rumors have swirled about it for years. You are telling the entire Yale world that the rumors they heard are true. And you’re calling it a feature instead of a piece of investigative journalism? You’re focusing on the “human spark” you tried to incorporate instead of focusing on the fact that there are legacy kids spending thousands of dollars to jump off scaffolding the woods because access to unfathomable amounts of money has left them dead inside and unable to experience joy like normal people?

(Side note – Lovely to juxtapose Floppy in a stock room presenting a dinner of expired food to Rory while last episode we had Smarmy oozing money from his pores and buying Rory dresses.)

When Rory goes to the party, Judgy WASP Mom makes her go see the hairdresser she has chained to her dresser. This is the only explanation for why the hairdresser is allowing this to happen to Judgy WASP Mom’s hair:

Judgy WASP Mom also has a makeup artist paint Rory up like an old lady and then dumps a mine’s worth of diamonds onto her. Rory is then presented to the party, which includes quite a few young Yale men. Hmm….

When confronted about the sausagefest their home has become, Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa play dumb. I’m not sure I love this devious Emily & Richard that has materialized this season. Until now, it always seemed that Lorelai was exaggerating about how terrible her parents are because Lorelai is a drama queen. Not anymore – they’re unequivocally horrible people. Even more so because they invited Smarmy to the party.

Smarmy “saves” Rory from a creep. The kids take over Spacey Grandpa’s pool house and proceed to get drunk, even utilizing the old water in the bottle trick so no one will be able to tell they’ve been drinking. Why that matters at a party where the adults are openly serving the underage people alcohol is not explained. Rory, buzzed on champagne, remembers that she needs to meet Floppy out front. Everyone comes to see, and suddenly it finally dawns on Floppy that his former flame has been taken by the 1% (much like wealth of the middle class over the last 35 years.) Aren’t you glad you left your wife, Floppy?

Other Plots in this Episode:

• Luke and Lorelai try to have a romantic dinner but it’s ruined by TJ because he’s TJ and he has to ruin everything.
• Mrs. Kim, who is still on this show, hears about Lane and Zach “dating.” Dating is in quotes because I still don’t buy them as a couple. When he relays the story to Lane, he says that he “doesn’t do parents.” Sorry Zach! There was already a “I don’t do parents!” dude on the show and his name was Broody. Get a new gimmick.