I know.

I know what I said.

I have quit this show about a million times at this point, I’ve said I’m done writing about this copaganda bullshit, and I’ve sworn off watching for good. And yet. 

This franchise is the Hotel California of franchises – I can check out any time I like, but I can never leave.

Since I’m moving forward with reviewing/recapping/ranting about this show I am going to try to do a few things:

1. I will not threaten to rage quit the show after every nonsensical episode that pisses me off. (I reserve the right to quit at the winter break and/or if the show goes full 2nd Wheatley arc and becomes too bad to continue watching.)
   
2. I will stop bringing up Stabler getting romantically involved with criminals. I will never forgive this terrible story choice but I’m letting it go – unless he does it again.
   
3. I am not going to I am going to try not to complain about the lack of EO. We know we’re not getting a lot of crossovers. The new SVU showrunner – a seemingly cool & genuine person! – has already said if Elliot and Olivia get together the show is over (screenshot below), which is pretty much all any of us need to know to understand how this is gonna go down.

With all that said, let’s talk about the interesting things that have happened since the show when on hiatus.

New OC Showrunner

This was a huge surprise because I didn’t expect showrunners to change again. Apparently Barry O’Brien was an interim showrunner to carry the show through the end of season 2, and he will be staying on as a writer. Bryan Goluboff is now running the show. I don’t know much about him. According to IMDB he’s worked on a lot of shows – including SMASH, which was a bonkers so-bad-it-was-good campy mess of a show that I kind of loved? He also wrote on SVU, including last season’s episode “I Thought You Were On My Side” which, well, we all know how I felt about that episode.

Side note: “Reach For Me” is the best song from SMASH. This is not up for debate.

New SVU Showrunner

With Warren Leight’s departure it was to be expected that someone would be tapped to run season 24. David Graziano was selected. I’m not super familiar with his work. I watched the first two-ish episodes of Terra Nova, which he worked on, but that’s about it. (When I was trying to be a TV writer I used to watch every single pilot produced for the upcoming season – that’s why I’ve seen so many random TV shows.) He worked on American Gods, which I heard great things about. As a cord cutter I never caught the show but I really liked the book the show is based on. (It’s hard not to like Neil Gaiman’s work.)

He’s been very kind to the fandom (even when they’re asking the same questions over and over again) which has been a breath of fresh air. It’s nice to not have the showrunner of one of NBC’s biggest shows likening you to a climate change denier just because you like a specific character pairing. However, I understand that Graziano’s hands are likely tied with what he can do when it comes to the EO relationship – Leight and his bullshit may be gone, but Dick “The Chase Is Always Better” Wolf isn’t going anywhere.

New OC Detectives

Two new actors are joining the cast of OC as detectives. Does this mean that Stabler won’t be going undercover all the god damned time? What does this mean for Cho and Moldanado?

The Three-Way Crossover

The season premier of SVU, OC, and the original Law & Order is supposed to be a three-way crossover written by Dick Wolf. I’m guessing this will be super procedural and have a lot going on, so expect that review to briefly mention the other shows yet focus on whatever happens on OC.

So, that’s it. I’m leaving the negativity from the last season right here in this post. These are the things I am leaving here:

• Irritation at all the nonsensical story choices, out of character moments from the past two seasons, and just general anger at how shittily Elliot Stabler has been written since he got back
  
• The failures of last season. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a show plummet as fast and as hard as OC season 2 did. The only shows I can think of that took that much of a dive are Game of Thrones and Sleepy Hollow. OC season 1 was only eight episodes so of course there were going to be bumps in season 2. I didn’t expect THAT many bumps – I sure didn’t expect to ever meet Creep Stabler – but it’s ok. It’s over.
  
• All the behind the scenes bullshit (the fallout from the letter, the whole SVU “iTs GoOd To FoRgIvE yOuR rApIsT aNd SeLl OuT hIs OtHeR vIcTiMs!” episode with no apology from the show, etc.) I won’t forget it (or forgive most of it) but I am willing to move past it.
  
• EO. Just all of it. I cannot be asked to give a fuck about this anymore.
  
  I’m sure a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but like I said last season, I cannot see how we get any sort of “earned” relationship between these characters when we only have 2 confirmed three-way crossovers and this is SVU‘s last season. Sure, maybe they’ll get renewed. But they need to write the show like there’s a possibility they won’t, so, in my opinion, there’s no time to do this relationship well. They missed the window. No matter what happens, it’s not going to be the epic romance the characters – or the fans – deserve.
  
  Graziano’s comment about the show being over as soon as EO is together confirms for me that if we get a romantic EO relationship it will likely happen in the last scene of the series finale of SVU. And, knowing this franchise, whatever happens will probably be open to interpretation so they don’t piss off of the antis (antis = people who don’t want EO.) I’m thinking we’ll get something like them agreeing to go on a coffee date or something equally bland.
  
  I had such high hopes for this relationship when I came back to the franchise (I’d link a post here but it’s literally in like every review I’ve written, so.) What happened to me with EO is like this: My expectations for EO was like I made a reservation at the chef’s table of a Michelin starred restaurant run by some hotshot celebrity chef. I am expecting a beautiful dining experience with the most amazing food I’ve ever tasted. I am expecting something good and well worth the wait. The reality of what I got from EO was like I finally got to the fancy restaurant and instead of being led to the chef’s table for the seats I reserved, I’m told they overbooked and the only table available is in the alley behind the restaurant right next to the Dumpster. Oh, and they’re out of food, too, so all they can give me is a half-frozen Salsbury steak TV dinner that’s been in the freezer since the 80s.
  
  It’s just a complete disappointment from bottom to top.
  
  I think what’s so frustrating is without the EO relationship being done right, there’s nothing special about these shows. What made SVU special back in the day was the relationship between the characters – especially the relationship between Benson and Stabler. What made SVU and OC so unique and special now – and why so many people were so excited! – was the potential for the story of two lost people with all this history finding their way back to each other so they can heal and move on together. It was the story of two soulmates kept apart by time and circumstance finally getting that later in life shot. It was the story of two people who had seen some of the darkest things humanity has to offer and still finding that beauty in life through each other. It was the story of two true partners – in every sense of the word.
  
  Characters, and the relationships between those characters, are what make us care about stories. They’re what make a story special. And when you have two beloved characters played by two actors with amazing chemistry, and 24 years of a complicated relationship between them…that’s magic. That is a gift to any storyteller. But without this relationship which is to me the most interesting part of the shows, it’s just another cop show. There are a ton of cop shows out there and, honestly, a lot of them have done it – and are doing it – better than the Law & Order franchise.
  
  I just hope other EO fans aren’t getting their hopes up for this season. Or they’re at least tempering their expectations. The last thing I want is for people who care so deeply about this show to feel like their time, their energy, and their unwavering support over the last 24 years was a complete and utter waste.
  
  Going forward I’m not getting mad about how badly they botched this story. There’s not a damn thing I can do to change any of it, so why even bother caring? Bring on the apathy!

Onward to season 3!